Been in a local one to me when my uncle was there. I seriously hope we don't end up there. Not knocking how they are looked after I just found it rather depressing
To me assisted living is fine when a person reaches the point they need help managing meals, socializing at all, and eventually remembering pills. My husband's parents chose their own, two of them as they moved closer to us with their second when he knew he was dying. Nursing homes are what are horrifying. They are like hospitals and to be in one of them is to lose all autonomy. My in-laws had three rooms in their first one with a lovely view. The one she lived in by herself, she had a living area, like a studio apartment where she could cook something if she wished, a nice sized bedroom, large bathroom and she looked out onto a small garden area where she got involved with planting. When she needed bed care though, it wasn't able to accommodate her and that's when the nursing home because necessary (she'd broken her hip, had a replacement but at 95, she couldn't come back from it).
My mother was in assisted living at a place with glowing reviews. It was, in fact, very nice. Then she had repeated health problems and it became obvious that she was going to need nursing care. Her assisted living place has another unit devoted to nursing and I thought it crowded and not particularly great. My a-hole brother decided to move her closer to him (he does these things without consulting any of his siblings, who, you know, are also my mother's children). I went to visit her and, being an honest person, ended up emailing the a-hole brother that in fact the place he had moved her to was much, much nicer than nursing unit in the well-regarded place. It's in a dump of a town in the middle of nowhere. So it's worth shopping around. Just because a place has a good reputation, it doesn't mean it's the best place around; it may be the best of the conveniently-located places, but not necessarily the best.
Bill-- I find them depressing as well. We're hoping we don't end up in one. Betty-- This facility that my mom is in is actually pretty comfortable. Large one-bedroom unit with living room and small functional kitchen. The food served in the dining room isn't great, but then I always I have to remind myself that I hardly ever go out to eat, and when I do it's never to chain-type restaurants. This is like a restaurant I would avoid. We cook our meals in the little kitchen on an electric one burner. My mom is ready to be with family who love her and cook delicious homegrown organic food. CCorax-- Interesting story about your mom's experience and the quality of a facility. I think this facility where my mom is now has a good reputation, but as she has gotten older her needs have changed. Not so much medically as in wanting to be with family and connecting with love everyday. So, she's going to try living in Virginia with my older brother. We're all hoping it's a good move. If there were better health and dental care where Roger and I are in Humboldt County she would come and live with us. At this stage, there are definitely health priorities.
I remember that walker lineup when I visited my Mom's assisted living place. Her's was a rather pleasant place where she made friends and kept active. I guess it all depends on the facility and the person whether it is a sad or pleasant experience. We can only hope our next of kin chose well.
At least the walkers cannot fall over like a row of bikes.We are on a wait list for a full-service retirement community. (The wait list is about five years.) You live in the area appropriate to your needs. Start out with a 2 or 3-bedroom home, downsize to apartment, then to assisted living, and finally nursing/rehab center if necessary. We would love to stay here in our mountain home forever, and we could make the proper accommodations to do so. But our health care system is terrible so we want to be more near major medical facilities.
smart move. I am so relieved that my 80 something parents are soon to move into such a place quite near my home.
Arkansas Patti-- The facility where my mom is living is quite pleasant. But I think she has grown tired of the food and the fact that she feels differently about her activity levels now at 90 than she did when she first moved here at 87. Too much time spent alone in her room. Unless you plan to stay active, these facilities can be pretty lonely places.NCmountainwoman-- I think it is great that you and your husband are planning a move like this. It really makes a difference to be in facilities like this with a loving partner. It is so true about the level of health care in rural areas. We're learning about how crummy the health care is in Humboldt County.
We've been through these iterations, as you know. One of the tragedies of global warming is that there will be no ice floe to stick me on and push me out into the Bering Strait when the time comes.
Phil-- Thank you for the laugh. So true. One of the downsides of global warning, and I hadn't even considered it.
so sad, that after a long and full life, we are reduced to such options. We begin to regress in so many ways, which is difficult when you've been independent and happy for all your life. I, too, hope the move to Virgina is a positive move. Your mom deserves to be with love, each and every day.
Tara-- This is such a difficult part of the journey. Heartbreaking and challenging. I wish my mom could just come and live with us. I want to take care of her.
I have been there also, taking care of mom. Sounds like your mom is in a good place though. There are so many complex emotions we have to deal with in the care of our parents as we age and they age. I have a greater understanding of age now that I am old. It is one of the harder things in life to deal with.
Nora-- I always wish I lived closer to my mom, care-giving would be so much easier. Aging is really quite a challenge sometimes.