Monday, March 14, 2016

Another Year Goes By

Every year on this date I write a blog post about my dad. He died 24 years ago in 1992 of primary liver cancer. He was only 73 years old. It's crazy to realize that that's how old Roger is now. My father seemed so much older then.
This is the only photo I have of my dad at Roger's family's beach house in Capitola. I think it must have been taken in 1990 or 1991. He was already ill and needing support. You can see how my mom is holding him to keep him steady. I remember we walked the beach that day. It was the last time he saw the ocean.

Look how young Roger and I are in this photo. I was probably 38 years old, and Roger 48. We were just starting our lives over together. Roger's mom is standing next to me. She was probably meeting my parents for the first time. In this photo my mom is just a little bit older than I am now. That generation seemed so mature. Roger and I are still rambunctious kids. It's so interesting how an era makes and marks you. It's nearly indelible.

My family will light a Yahrzeit candle for my father, and it will burn for 24 hours. We have done this every year since he left us. We will remember him with all the love we have in our hearts.


  1. It's good to remember your father the way you do. My dad passed away 25 years ago from liver cancer also. There's not a day goes by that I don't think about him. He also was my hero.

  2. What a beautiful photo and all the more so, knowing the background about your dad's health. I am glad you were able to give him that last day at the ocean.
    As someone who misses my stepfather fiercely, I send my love to you, Robin, and to you, Dave.

  3. Great to have such pictures. :)

  4. Dave-- It's true, not a day go by that I don't think of my dad. That's the way of love.

    CCorax-- I remember walking along the water's edge with my dad and watching him trying to avoid getting wet by the incoming surf. I know he knows how much he is still loved.

    Rain-- It is so interesting to go through the old photos, looking for one that I haven't posted here before. Finding this one generated so many memories.

  5. That's a great picture. You and Roger look very young. And by keeping your father's memory alive in your own minds, you give him a little life in your readers' minds as well.

  6. My father died in 1977 and like you, not a day goes by that I don't think of him. He was gone far too soon. I love the idea of the Yahrzeit candle. When we lived in WI we had a lot of Jewish neighbors and it was always moving to see the candles.

  7. I too remember my Daddy a lot and if things are really nice, I dream about him. He always looks in my dreams like he did when I was in my teens. We daughters never forget our Dads. That is such a special bond.
    Neat seeing you and roger as youngsters. What a special picture. Hang on to it.

  8. Mark-- I almost can't remember being that young. It was such a long time ago. My father was such a good dad, a truly kind-hearted man, a WWII medic, a lover of sports, and a good cook.

    NCmountainwoman-- It is the greatest gift a child can give-- a love that lasts forever. My father used to burn a Yahrzeit for his mother. I remember the flickering light when I was very young.

    Arkansas Patti-- I used to dream of my dad for a long time after he died. They were so vivid and real, it felt more like a visitation than a dream. It's so wonderful that you still dream of your dad. Really glad you like this photo.

  9. Sweet commemorative post; you guys look like kids!
    I find myself thinking of my dad often, especially after a difficult visit with my 98 year old mother. I wish she could be at peace, zooming around the universe with him like he always thought he would do...

  10. isabelita-- I have wondered how your mom is doing. Wow! 98 is really quite an old age. My sister-in-law's mom lived to that age. It definitely had its challenges. I hope your mom's days are peaceful.

  11. Not really, Robin. Living that long can be a horror show. And there's not much I can do to relieve it. People gloss over or simply do not face facts about the end of life. It's not a warm fuzzy situation.

    1. Isabelita-- I'm so sorry that your mom's days are so difficult. My mom is planning a move back east to live with my older brother in Virginia. He knows he's taking on a huge emotional responsibility. We're all hoping the move goes well and that my mom's final years will be spent with comfort, joy, and sanity. Living long ain't what it's cracked up to be. We've prolonged our years, but often not our quality of life. Sigh.

  12. People wear out. Our families have a history of longevity, and our bodies simply wear out.
    Best wishes for your mom. Big move at that stage of life, but sounds like a good one for her.