Monday, March 19, 2018

Grafitti From The Gods

My mother passed away Sunday evening at 7:40. Just like that the long struggle was over. My twin brother and my sister, who were at her side, said she opened her eyes for a brief moment, breathed her last breath, and then shuffled off this mortal coil. Even when it's expected, the finality of death stuns. We went for our walk early Monday morning just as the sun was rising over the mountains. Rising on the very first day without her. We walked the neighborhood and came upon this sidewalk graffiti. "I missed you Mom." There it was already in writing.

38 comments:

  1. Robin Andrea,
    Sorry to hear of your Mom's death.
    My Mom passed away in December -- you are right, even when it is anticipated it is still like hitting a brick wall. I send you peace and contentment; I know that she was much loved and you and your family did everything to enhance her quality of life as its light dimmed. I truly believe in signs from the deceased. I think she had a "hand" in that graffiti...
    Cathy McDonald

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    1. Cathy-- I am so sorry to hear of your mother's passing as well. I love the idea of my mom having a "hand" in that graffiti. Thank you for that.

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  2. Dear Robin. My heart goes out to you. Hugs.

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  3. There's a reason so many singers have recorded "A Motherless Child" and so many of us have bought it.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZXg9UFUXFXU

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    1. Loren-- I hadn't thought of that song, but I am so glad to hear it. Thank you for that.My older brother (who will be 70 this November) said, "Now we are orphans." Yes.

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  4. When you suffer the loss of a loved one, death creates a transcendent space. Life is surreal until the loss is integrated. This is both a terrible, terrible time and a beautiful moment in time. I ache for you. Loss sucks.

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    1. Colette-- Yes, loss sucks, but as you say it is both a terrible time and a beautiful moment. I am truly experiencing both.

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  5. A long life well lived, a legacy of love and joy and now peace. Like everyone else here I've enjoyed getting to know a bit about your mother and I hope you'll continue to share your memories of her.

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    1. Marcy-- I like the idea of continuing the stories. I plan to talk with her two remaining siblings to ask for gems of her early days. She really was quite a woman!

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  6. Sending love to you on this first day without your mom. I wonder what other wonders you will see as you and roger walk together in the coming days.

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    1. am-- Ah, you and I are on the same page wondering about what we will see. Yesterday we saw the first Rufous Hummingbird of the season at our feeder. Today there was an iridescent display that was truly stunning. The coincidence of beauty and death.

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  7. I'm sorry to hear of your loss. How good it was that your mother's last sight was of her son, caring for her! She was greatly loved.

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    1. Susannah-- Yes, my brother and my sister were at her side. My sister had massaged her and talked with her most of the day. She was so well loved and cared for.

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  8. I've also lost 2 loved ones in the last few weeks. The slam of the empty space where they were in my life still is happening, and I sometimes wake up sad from that. I think rituals of death are important and I miss that neither of them had a memorial ceremony of any kind, to kind of review their lives with friends and families. So I connect with friends here on the web...and those I've made in my community. They didn't know them however. Talk of your mother's life with everyone you can!

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    1. Barbara-- I am so sorry to read of your losses. We're still trying to figure out how to have a memorial. We all live so far apart. It's a bit difficult, but we're going to try to work it out. Yes, I will talk of her life to all who will listen.

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  9. I'm very sorry for the loss of your mother. I'm also very happy for you that you had such a wonderful relationship with her. When you're ready to share memories, I look forward to them. Condolences to you, Roger, and your family.

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    1. Sharon-- Thank you so much for your kind words. I love the idea of sharing memories. It's how we keep the love present.

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  10. I am so very sorry that your Mom has passed but grateful she was with family. Even when expected, it rocks us. That message on the sidewalk was amazing.
    Sending hugs.

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    1. Patti-- Yes, even when expected,it rocks us. It truly does. Thank you for the hugs.

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  11. Absolutely so, grief is such a powerful form of love. I'm sorry Robin for your pain. For me it has become a gift that makes time irrelevant and the moment precious. Holding you in heart. Michael

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    1. MandT-- I like thinking about grief as a powerful form of love. I will hold on to that for a while. Thank you.

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  12. Ironic! Sorry to hear of your loss. Though you think you are prepared for the inevitable it always comes as a shock when it does. My thoughts are with you and may your mum rest in peace

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    1. Bill-- I know! It really was quite a surprise to see that graffiti. Yes, even the inevitable comes as a shock. Thank you for your good thoughts.

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  13. I am so sorry to hear about your mom. Even though watching her struggle and caring for her was so difficult, having her go has got to be hard. My thoughts are with you. And what an amazing graffiti find!

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    1. Steve-- I was not at her side when she died, but two of her four children were. It's not easy to watch a loved one slip away, but it is inevitable. Thank you for your good thoughts. And, when I saw that graffiti I was so surprised and grateful. We walked this morning, and after the rains it was already washed away.

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  14. I am sorry to read about your loss. It's over 15 years since I lost my dad. My mum is still alive but it has often struck me, thinking of the hole left by my father's death, what a blow it must be to lose one's second parent.

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    1. sackerson-- It is an interesting revelation when we realize that our parents' generation is gone and we are now the elders of the family. My older brother (who will by 70 this year) said, "Now we are orphans."

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  15. HUGS! During these tough times you can't get enough hugs. Even if they are cyber hugs.

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    1. Dave-- Thank you so much for that. I have so many wonderful and supportive cyber friends!

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  16. Robin, took me by surprise, not sure why. Makes me realize that's how it is, isn't it? No matter how expected there's always shock. Thinking of you, Roger, and your family. I admire how well you all pulled together and cared for her...a loving gift. And the graffiti - another surprise...a nice one! Kim in PA

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    1. Kim-- Yes, that really is how it is. Even the expected news comes with its own stinging pain to the heart. We grieve, we celebrate. Thank you for your kind thoughts.

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  17. Robin,
    Leah and I were so sorry to read of your mother's death. As others have said, even when you expect it, it's a shock. Cathy McDonald's comment (the first one) about hitting a brick wall struck me, because when the doctor told my mother that she was dying, she said it was like being hit in the face by a brick.

    I might have mentioned before that when my father died (18 years ago, hard to believe), it was like he was freed to become the man he used to be, at least in my mind and memory, and not the weak, stooped old man he had become in his last months. I hope your mother is now the woman you remember her to be.

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    1. Mark-- How you feel about your father's death is how I feel about my mother's as well. She had been so debilitated by Alzhiemer's that she was gone before she was gone. Now we can remember her with the vitality and spark she always had. We are learning to live this new way now without her, even though I still I should pick up the phone at least once a day to give her a call. Sigh.

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  18. Oh robin, I am just seeing this. I am so sorry. I know your heart is in shreds and that none of this feels quite real. You will miss her forever, but sometimes, you will hear her whispering to you, as if in dreams. My love and prayers to you and your family. May you find peace in being together, and in the memories of your beautiful mother with her laughing eyes.

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    1. 37paddington-- I love the idea of her whispering to me in dreams. I dreamed of my father so often after he passed. It was the most wonderful way to stay connected. Thank you for your kind words.

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  19. What an amazing thing to see! It wasn't just a coincidence in my mind. It's not something you can prove, but that doesn't mean it isn't connected.

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    1. Pat-- We loved seeing that graffiti. It was rain-washed away the next day. So a truly ephemeral message.

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