Friday, May 27, 2022

Trying To Find The Words


I first started to write this post Thursday morning. It has a few more words with updates.

The most recent shooting in my country has pushed me over the edge. I am so full of despair that I can't find words to adequately express it. 

My sister has Covid. She's very sick and lives too far for me to go check on her. She's not answering her phone. (Update: She spent all day Wednesday in ER. She's home now and feeling sicker than she's ever felt in her life, and that's saying something because she has suffered from debilitating migraines since she's 10 years old. Her daughter (my lovely niece) has Covid as well. The virus is a very serious butt-kicking illness.)

Roger and I have second booster shots scheduled for Friday morning at 10:00. I'm already feeling queasy just thinking about it.  I may have to cancel it. (Update: I cancelled my second booster shot. I plan to reschedule it next week. I spoke with the staff at the clinic and they agreed it was a good idea for us not to get the boosters on the same day. Yay!)

Children are dying in classrooms in America. So many loved ones are suffering. We are living during a global pandemic. (These things have not changed.)

I'm still trying to find the words.

39 comments:

  1. The world is full of maniacs who want to kill atm we live in a cruel world we have no control over. Hope you liked the roses. Bill

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    1. NewRobin13-- We loved the roses. The most beautiful balance to the crazy world we're living in. Thank you.

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  2. Aww Robin, I am so sorry about your sister and hope she recovers quickly. Please do get your second booster so you won't have to go through a similar misery.
    There is so much just wrong these days, it is hard to keep going forward. Those children in Texas broke my heart. I must keep going forward though and doing what I can in the voting booth to keep weapons of war out of mentally sick hands.

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    1. NewRobin13-- My sister is really not feeling well at all. We're worried about her. We're hoping things will improve. It's true, we have to keep going forward, and yes, we can try to change things in the voting booth. Yes!

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  3. Thanks for sharing how you are feeling. I'm living with the rage stamped down a bit, so I can function. I refuse to put out the fire it's given me. This is time for action and my own is pushing for some laws to be enacted. I know the first few will be almost ineffective, but gun control has to be at the top of the list for the next election.

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    1. NewRobin here-- Barbara-- I like the idea of refusing to put out the fire. Yes, it's time for action and gun control should be at the top of the list. Yes!

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  4. 37paddington: Robin, I cannot find the words either. I am in despair, disbelief, anger, sorrow. Those poor children in Uvalde. Those poor elders in Buffalo. I am so swamped with sorrow I watch the news and weep. And of course guns are banned at the NRA convention this week. I’m so angry.

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    1. NewRobin13here-- 37paddington-- I so angry and truly blown away that this horrific nightmare of bloodshed keeps happening in our country. When will it stop? It's long past time for gun control. Something must be done. I'm hoping for change in the next election. Time to vote the gun guys out of office.

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  5. Sending love to you and Roger and all your loved ones, especially your sister. I'm feeling anger and despair, too, looking for ways to channel that pure energy.

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    1. NewRobin13-- am, thank you so much for your love. We are looking for ways to manage our grief and our anger.

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  6. Sorry to hear about your sister and hope she recovers soon. I had my second booster and only had a sore arm for a couple days so hope you come through it okay.
    I hope we can find a way to get control of the terrible gun situation in our country. I am hoping that more Democrats get elected in the upcoming election so they can go ahead and make the needed and wanted changes. Sending hugs and love to you and Roger. Stay well!

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    1. NewRobin13-- Ellen D, I didn't get my booster shot, but Roger just got his. He's okay so far. I'm scheduling mine for next week. Yes, the only way we can change things is at the voting booth. Time to kick those crazy people out.

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  7. It will be difficult to find words and more difficult to find a solution.

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    1. NewRobin13-- Red-- It's hard work to find words and a solution. I hope it happens though.

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  8. Linda sue here, I have been thinking about you and how you might be in despair, as we frequently seem to be. Hearts shattered once again only to re-heal stitched together with fine thin thread from the "carry on". spool. Leaving the country always sounds like a good idea to me.

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    1. NewRobin13- LindaSue-- Thank you for thinking of me and my despair. I was reminded today of the poem by Wendell Berry "The Peace of Wild Things" it was really good to read it again. I'd love to leave the country. Where do we go? I have no idea.

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  9. We are surrounded by evil people who want to inflict harm to others . We live in a bad world. I am sorry to hear your sister is unwell like that I hope she gets better soon. After reading this this morning I went out and took photos of the roses, I hope you liked them

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    1. NewRobin here-- Billy-- We do live in a bad world. My sister loved the roses. It made her day brighter, and she's so appreciated your thoughtfulness. Thank you.

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  10. I find it difficult to know what to say, too. Between Covid-19 and the war in the Ukraine, I am distraught-- but add in the massacre of children in Texas and I'm so emotionally exhausted that I don't know what to do with myself. I try to connect with people, but many are ignoring the most recent example of evil. What to do?

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    1. Ally-- I had completely forgotten about the war in Ukraine. There's so much going on and all of it so horrible it's hard to keep up. The world these days is the opposite of my dreams.

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  11. There are no words. The only ones I can think of is that this country has a deep sickness in its soul.
    I finally got my second booster a couple of weeks ago. I was reluctant but we were going to our granddaughter's graduation so I did it anyway. Achy and chills that night but took some ibuprofen and was fine.

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    1. ellen-- It is a deep sickness in its soul. How does it manage to simply let children continue to be murdered in such horrific gun violence?
      I'll probably get the booster shot some time next week. Roger is doing fine, and I'm hoping I'll be the same. We'll see...

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  12. Like the rest of the world Australia watches on in horror and distress. I know little of American politics, but enough to understand why your country suffers like this, and why it is not likely to change. Yes, this is a symptom of a very sick society - one that does not understand that with freedom comes responsibility. Freedom is really an abstract concept - how can everyone have what they want without it adversely affecting others? It's juvenile. The same juvenile belief system underpinned the protests against vaccine mandates in Australia.

    In the USA it seems that some Americans believe they are free to kill multiple times at will, and they are provided with the guns to do it. I can't see a way out of this. I believe that if the Democrats attempt to do something real about the issue there will be another civil war in your country. I'm just so sorry.

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    1. Dr Michelle-- We are so broken here, and I am so worried about what comes next. There's always a "next"-- how many will die? Yes, I believe we are on the way to another civil war. We are so broken.

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  13. There really are no words, are there.
    I'd really like to see the figures on exactly how many instances there are in the USA of people successfully defending themselves using guns, against how many innocent people are harmed by them.

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    1. John-- There really are no words. Now it's just the fears of when and where the next shooting will occur.

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  14. Oh, I'm so sorry about your sister! I hope she's feeling better! Yeah, there DOES seem to be a lot of negativity out there at the moment. We need some good energy!

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    1. Steve-- Thank you for your kind words for my sister. That's part of the good energy we need these days. In many ways it helps.

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  15. Oh Robin. So much evil and sorrow that it is impossible to describe and almost too hard to feel. But that's the task for us, the living. To feel. It's hard to think of a single thing that is going well in our global society at this moment. And that is certainly true in the US. With more that 200 mass killings so far in 2022 and May not quite over. It's a cruel sickness in every corner of the country - the urge and ease with which Americans slaughter one another every day. Here's a passage from a piece I read in The Atlantic after Uvalde - by a woman who is a mother of young children and a journalist:

    "I don’t know why these children had to die like this, terrorized. I have wondered, when I’ve been too weak to counsel myself against wondering, how the surviving children from that classroom will live now. I think about the kids calling 911—just as they were told to do, just as we, adults, have always told them to do—hearing the operator, and requesting help. I want to know why their classmates’ lives are over. I want them to come back. I want none of this to have ever happened. I want this country to change.....In fact, the notion that this massacre could have been avoided—and if not avoided via gun policy, then at least potentially ameliorated by faster, more proactive police intervention—is part of why contemplating it for very long induces vertigo. As soon as preliminary details about Uvalde began to surface in the news, the entire decade of valiant efforts to reform American gun laws in the name of the 20 first graders murdered at Sandy Hook Elementary School in Newtown, Connecticut, suddenly seemed in vain. Over the past few years, when mass shootings have happened, furious Twitter users have prepared to bat back politicians’ measly well-wishes with tweets about the worthlessness of “thoughts and prayers”; this time, there was hardly even much of that. People just seemed wounded, somewhere between angry and resentful and helpless and plaintive. It was happening again, but nobody bothered to say they couldn’t believe it.....It was hard to find anyone genuinely unaffected, even if, as usual, the affectation some chose was delusional bravado or childish disinterested ennui or whatever bullshit mien. Online, uncharacteristically, the majority of people seemed rightly horrified, and rightly struck with that same sense of helpless, terrorized grief."

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    1. John-- This horrific murder has sent so many of us over the edge. We shout, "ENOUGH!" When will it end? When will there stop being such bloodshed and violence? We are so broken here in the US. The new un-Civil War is looming.

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  16. Catalyst Comment: Some times, oft times these days, there just are no words left. I'm sorry for your sister and her child but I hope you will get your second booster soon. We had a one-day reaction to it. Very slightly sore arm and fatigue but it went away soon. Take care, my friend.

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    1. Catalyst-- I will get my second booster. I plan to schedule it after Memorial Day. Roger is doing fine and is the perfect role model for getting his shots and managing it well. I thank you for your support.

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    2. I think I've figured how to comment here. Some blogs let me comment as in days gone by, others don't.

      --Catalyst

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  17. I am sorry to read about both your sister and niece being ill, Robin, which only adds to your feelings of despair and helplessness like so many of us. We did get the second booster a few weeks ago and this was the first time that I was fatigued the day after, but only for 24 hours. Most others have had no reactions like Roger.

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    1. Beatrice-- I'm planning on scheduling my second booster this week. I'm hearing from lots of people that the response isn't so bad and doesn't last very long.

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  18. I'm with you, Robin. Words seem so inadequate right now. Lying low, being quiet is all I can do. Hope Lynn and your niece heal quickly.

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    1. Anonymous-- Yes, lying low and being quiet, that's been my MO for a long time. Thank you for your kind thoughts for my sister and niece.

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  19. I so sick and disgusted with the politicians and some of the people in this country. Is beyond belief that there are not enough decent people in Congress to pass sensible, effective gun control. They did it in Australia, and it worked.

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    1. Mark-- If this most recent horrific shooting doesn't get the laws changed, I don't know what will. It is unbelievable what is happening in our country.

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